Walk into Ballard Market. Scope out from a distance--which entrance contains the panhandler? Choose opposite entrance. Buy day-old desserts and eat them in the car.

Steal Burger King chicken fries from 6 year-old during visit supervision. He doesn't need the calories. Fatass.

If a construction crane has to be taller than the thing it's constructing, what do they use to construct the crane? Next time terrorists want to attack New York, they should hijack construction cranes. And put a big boxing glove on the arm. Pow! You just got knocked out by Al Qaeda.

Get really hungry again. Order fish tacos from Taco Del Mar. Scowl at the incompetent taco-artist as he squirts all the salsa onto one side, unbalancing the taco. Smolder silently.

Realize that your entire day revolves around eating. Eat a quesadilla and fruit smoothie just before bed. Dream of apocalypse and car crashes. Wake in cold sweat. Pee in the dark. Go back to sleep. Dream of apocalypse and weiner dog armies.




Also, Monday is the deadline for voter registration. Go register now, loser. It's your civic duty to vote, no matter who you plan on voting for. Yeah right. Vote for Obama.

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