In another wide-eyed trance of Wikipedia crawling, I found this horrifying and fascinating thing:
Doesn't sound too ominous...maybe just a headache that comes and goes in groups...? WRONG. Apparently, cluster headaches are an extreme neurological problem that makes the most severe migraine you've ever imagined look like a whiny two-beer hangover.
The feeling is described as a spike being driven through the center of your skull, or someone trying to rip out your eyeball through the back of your head. The degree of pain it causes has been compared to amputating limbs without anesthesia. Women compare it to the pain of natural childbirth and say it's MUCH WORSE.
CLUSTER HEADACHES ARE CONSIDERED BY MEDICAL SCIENCE TO BE THE WORST PAIN HUMAN BEINGS EVER EXPERIENCE.
ISN'T THAT FUCKED UP??
And people who suffer from this condition sometimes have attacks up to TWENTY TIMES A WEEK. No wonder they're also referred to as "suicide headaches"--apparently many victims have to be put under 24 hour suicide watch because they will gladly off themselves at the first warning sign just to escape the coming headache.
HOW TOTALLY BATSHIT IS THAT??
The horrible irony of it is that the Worst Pain In The Universe is caused by something that isn't even physically harmful. Medically, the headaches are considered "benign", because nothing in your body is actually being damaged, basically your brain just suddenly decides to tell you that you're experiencing cosmically vast agony for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
ALSO THERE IS NO CURE. There are a variety of preventative medicines and methods to ease the pain, but all of these are feeble semi-solutions that often FAIL.
Interestingly, one of the reportedly successful methods of ending a headache is to "accutely modulate hypthalmic function" BY HAVING SEX.
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF ANGRY CRAZY SCREAMING HELLSEX THAT WOULD BE??
HOW CAN ANYTHING BE SO TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY EFFED????
In other words......everyone, everywhere, stop complaining about anything, ever.