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Facing heavy criticism from family advocacy groups like CHILDREN MARRIED FAMILY ORG and moral watchdog groups like MORAL CHURCH RELIGION BIBLE, director J.J Abrams has decided to reboot his Star Trek franchise reboot with a more family-friendly cast:

Popular child-rock band The Wiggles will replace the first installment's edgy cast, in keeping with what Abrams describes as the new film's "creepier, more wholesomely pedophilic" new direction.
The role of Captain James T. Kirk will be played by the yellow shirt Wiggle, while Dr. Spock and Bones will be played by the two blue shirt Wiggles. In a virtuoso multi-role performance, red shirt wiggle will play the rest of the characters, including Lt. Uhura and the Starship Enterprise itself.



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